


The Blood of Service

by Dragonsigma



Category: The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: Blood, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loyalty, Self-Doubt, injury to hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7804576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonsigma/pseuds/Dragonsigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Telimezh cannot afford another mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blood of Service

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trismegistus (Lebateleur)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lebateleur/gifts).



He cannot afford another mistake. Not after his first ignoble failure not even two months into his service. _You were betrayed as much as we were,_ His Serenity had told him on that terrible day, and though Telimezh has tried to believe it, for his sake, it has been difficult not to see all the ways he could have prevented it.

The Emperor is far too forgiving, far too kind, ever fretful of those whose only purpose is to serve his wellbeing.

And tonight Telimezh fears he may fail in that purpose once again.

Except for that fateful night, it has never been a trial for Telimezh to watch over the Emperor in sleep. The dark and the quiet are peaceful, and his heart is lightened to see his overworked lord rest, if only for a short time.

But tonight is the first truly warm night of the year, and he has slept poorly this day, and the lingering remains of some minor illness have left him with aches and heavy eyes. And he knows none of that can be any excuse for the slightest lapse in attention. He badly needs something to sharpen his focus, keep him from drifting to sleep.

And so he thinks only of duty when he draws the dagger from his belt and presses it to his palm.

The pain is immediate, sharp enough to bring tears to his eyes. And it is enough to bring him to full alertness. He wipes the blood on the inside of his jacket, keeping his attention on the room. It is silent but for the Emperor’s steady breathing.

He repeats the act some time later, when his thoughts once more begin to blur with exhaustion, and again just after dawn, when the rising sun reminds him that his shift will soon end and he will be allowed to rest.

The pain is tolerable; it means he will not disgrace himself this night.

At last it is morning; the Emperor rises to be bathed and dressed for the day. When he emerges from behind the screens, Telimezh follows close behind him into the outer chamber. The Emperor wishes Kiru a good morning, and seems about to descend the stairs to breakfast when Telimezh realizes he is staring. At him.

“You are hurt,” he says, and then, confused, “How?”

Telimezh glances down; his sleeve is streaked with blood.

Kiru is beside him in two strides and grasping his wrist in deceptively strong hands. She studies the three gashes across his palm - they are deeper and uglier than he remembers making - and looks at him with knowing eyes. How could he have thought to hide this from the Emperor, let alone from a trained healer? He has rarely seen Kiru so stern, and the Emperor… the Emperor looks stricken.

“ _Why?_ ” the Emperor asks, and Telimezh must answer. His shame is sharper than the blade that did this, heavier than the exhaustion and fear that drove him to do it.

“We… feared we would fall asleep,” he says, and the reasoning sounds absurd, a thing of darkness too fragile to be brought into the light. “We thought that… that this would prevent that.” The concern in the Emperor’s eyes is unbearable, and so Telimezh adds quickly, bowing his head, “It was foolish. We are truly sorry.”

“It was reckless. And dangerous,” Kiru says, voice like steel and scoldings.

The Emperor’s expression shifts from that of a hurt child to that of a monarch passing down resolutions. “Lieutenant, we can hardly believe that was your only option. Could you not have requested relief?” And more softly, “We would not think ill of you for such, if that is what you fear.”

He has been an utter fool. If he could shrink away into nothing, or magically remove himself from existence, it would still not be enough.

“We understand, Serenity. We are sorry. We will accept any reprimand you deem proper.”

The Emperor sighs, rubs at the bridge of his nose as he does when faced with a difficult problem. “That will not be necessary. We only ask that in future you will address this issue in a less... drastic manner. And remember our regard for you in addition to concerns of duty.”

Another reminder that he has only hurt the Emperor in his attempts to defend him. Another kindness he is unworthy of.

“Yes, Serenity,” he says, and mercifully, that is the end of the matter for the moment.

The first shift are waiting uneasily in the dining room when they finally descend; Beshelar looks only relieved to see them, but if the flicker of a concerned expression across Cala’s face is any indication, he recognizes the tension his partner does not.

At least it means Telimezh does not have to face Beshelar’s disapproval.

He and Kiru depart, leaving the Emperor in their counterparts’ care. When they return to their chambers, Kiru firmly, though not roughly, directs Telimezh to the washbasin, where she - as if she does not trust him to do so properly himself - washes the blood from his hand, applies a sharp-smelling salve from her kit, and bandages it neatly, all without a word. He feels a helpless child under her care and supposes it is only appropriate.

“There are spells,” she says when she has finished her work, voice offering a compassion Telimezh does not feel he deserves. “Spells for alertness, for delaying sleep. I would not advise their regular use, but - if thou wert in need, I could perform one. Needst only ask.”

”Yes. I will. And… I thank thee, Kiru.”

Her expression softens. “I only ask for thee to trust me to assist thee as best I am able. We-” the plural, including them both - “cannot hope to protect the Emperor without that trust.”

”And I hope I can provide the same in return,” he says, though he knows he is currently in no place to offer, and prays he can live up to the promise.

Kiru smiles. “For now, rest,” she finishes, and though it has not the tone of an order, Telimezh obeys all the same. Later, he will wash his uniform and write his report, but right now, he will sleep.


End file.
